The sentence my 5 year old son is always saying these days is ``no!``.
Whatever he sees, whether it`s a form of X, plus or a cross,
he would always say ``Mom, that means no``.
In the beginning, I just listened but when this went on for couple of weeks, months and over a year,
I became annoyed more and more.
One day, he said “no, no“ so I just yelled at him.
¨JooAn, what is so no no everyday. You should not say like that so often.
You should speak well like yes yes, it will work.”
Maybe he didnt understand me, but today he says ”no” even more.
It doesnt feel so good. I think I am being influenced by those words.
Yesterday I prayed in church since it was the friday assembly day.
”Lord, I do not feel your shimjung (deep heart). Why is it that I cannot feel like this ?
When I pray I want to cry if I think of you Lord......, but tears dont come out.
I think I am a dry (barren) human.”
While praying I was surprised ay myself.
The fact that I am praying like this.....
“I cannot feel.”
“I dont really know.”
“No. It really isnt working.”
“I think my heart is dead.”
The Lord says that he is with me all the side by my side as if bone is glued to fat,
Ive said so many times like “I cannot feel you, I dont know“ etc.
Even if its the King of special positiviness, the Lord, if he hears words that takes away strength, i dont think he can bear it.
Just like a mother in front of her own son who lives saying <No I cannot>.
Although I might not be able to feel him, I must shine the light of special positiveness for the Lord who will be listening right next to me.
As if I feel him, as if heès next to me and like to the point where its too cheesy.
“Lord, you came beside me?
You are poking me right beside me even now right?
to tell me that you are here.
you show it to me like this I am so shy. Is it cause I gained weight? hehe
I will do well. Lord I thank you.
Why am I poking the air right now ?
I am poking you Lord.”
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- 8/7/2014
